Questions & Answers

Q: I am in the middle of arranging the seating plan for my reception, but I have no idea how to decide where to seat my guests. Do you have any suggestions?

A: This can be a difficult task! It is rather complicated to decide where to seat people sometimes. However, there are some general do's and don'ts that you may want to keep in mind. First of all, try to seat people who are of the same approximate age together. Generally speaking, it would also be a good idea to seat people with common interests at the same table. Put an even number of guests at each table whenever possible. People tend to pair up in conversation, and you don't want to leave anyone out. It's best not to split up couples! If you've indicated a "Mr. and Mrs" or a "person and guest" on the invitations, make sure these people are seated next to one another. There are also some things which you should avoid. For example, try not to seat divorced couples near one another. It would be a nice gesture to seat guests from out of town with people that they know and like, to make this transition easier for them. Typically, the wedding officiant gets seated with the parents of the bride and groom, whenever possible. One last hint: If you know a couple that are enthusiastic dancers, seat them near the dance floor! They will likely initiate the dancing and encourage the rest of your guests to do the same. Before you know it, your reception will be in full swing!


Q: What is the most "sensitive" way to set limits to the number of guests on our guest list?

A: Firstly, begin by eliminating the number of children attending. Most couples choose an age which becomes a "cut off point" (usually children under 14, 16 , or 19 are not invited - these are common cut-offs). Also, establish rules for your guest list which you, your fiancee and your respective families agree on, such as a "no co-workers policy. Finally, if you have a large immediate family, you may want to exclude distant relatives from the guest list. However, you must be sure to be consistent. You can't invite a third cousin and exclude a second cousin!

Q: I am involved in a same sex relationship. I would like to have some sort of ceremony, but I am unsure about my options. Do you have any suggestions?

A: I encourage you to pursue your goal! If a ceremony is what you desire, nothing should stop you from obtaining it! Being in a same sex relationship shouldn't limit you with respect to holding a special party to celebrate your love. In fact, this makes it easier for you! Since this is a non-traditional ceremony, you're under less pressure to "do everything right" and conform to the rules and regulations. You're free to plan this ceremony as you choose... it leaves many opportunities open to you! I would encourage you to have a "commitment ceremony". Such ceremonies are becoming increasingly popular. Although they may not necessarily be legally binding in all states and provinces, this is a way for you to publicly declare your love and your commitment in front of your friends and family. So go crazy! Invite your loved ones, order some food, hire a disc jockey... plan it any way you'd like!

Q: My boyfriend and I have just decided to get married. We're both Sikh, but I am not very religious, and don't know much about the various ceremonies involved. My boyfriend wants to get formally engaged by participating in a traditional Sikh engagement ritual, but I know nothing about it. Would you be able to offer some insight?

A: As in any other culture, the Sikh culture has certain traditions which are unique to it's people. The ceremony you have described is a religious and formal engagement ceremony. It is called the "Kurmai". These days, a Kurmai is not required, yet it is often performed among the highly religious members of the Sikh culture. Generally speaking, this ceremony is held approximately a week before the wedding. Traditionally speaking, the Kurmai is held in the home of the groom-to-be, and is met with the exchange of clothing and sweets between the engaged couple.

Q: How do we handle arranging our wedding to include our divorced parents?

A: If either yourself or your fiancee have divorced parents, you may need to make some special arrangements to avoid unwanted scenes or hurtful circumstances. Begin by speaking openly and honestly with both parents, requesting their co-operation and best behavior. To be safe, avoid scheduling events which would force the divorced parents to interact. It may be necessary to ensure that the divorced parents are seated at tables which are distant from one another.

Be sensitive: ensure that the divorced parents are seated with friends or family.

Be careful: don't seat one parent of in a corner somewhere near the bathrooms while the other is conveniently located near the head-table.

Finally, be sure that all vendors are made aware of this situation.(For example, you won't want your photographer to force divorced parents to pose together for a photo if this will cause problems)

Q: My parents are divorced. My mother has since remarried and my father currently has a girlfriend. My father wants to bring the lady he is dating to my wedding. I know this will upset my mother. How do I handle this situation?

A: This situation has to be addressed sensitively. Regardless of what you choose to do, you must remain fair at all times. It would be unfair to have your mother bring her new husband and isolate your father. Your mother and father should either both come alone, or each should be permitted to bring their significant others. I strongly recommend that you encourage everyone to attend. In order to avoid tense situations, I would recommend that you take extra efforts to ensure that your mother and her husband are at a separate table at the reception than your father and his girlfriend. This will create a low-stress environment for all involved. Also, if you feel it necessary, you can restrict the "significant others" from attending the ceremony and invite them exclusively to the reception. The reception will likely be dimly lit and will involve a larger amount of people in a larger room. This environment allows for more opportunities for mingling than a crowded church. If all goes well, the two parties will be too busy enjoying the food and the music to even notice the other couple.

Q: I need to choose my maid of honour, but am having a hard time choosing between my only sister and my best friend. How am I supposed to make that decision without hurting anyone's feelings?

A: It sounds like you're having a very difficult time choosing between the two. Why not eliminate that problem by having two maids of honour? This is your wedding day... why not make it as unique and as special as you are? You don't need to be stuck in the confines of the "unwritten wedding rules" which lead you to believe that you must choose only one maid of honour. Free yourself from traditional wedding structures and dare to be unique! It's the year 2003... give your guests a wedding to remember! That said, if you still feel as though having one maid of honour is the best thing for you... honesty is the best policy. Have a meeting with the two ladies and tell them how you feel. Perhaps something will come up in the conversation which will make your decision easier. These two ladies know how special this day is to you. Once they realize the pressure you're under to choose between the two of them, one may voluntarily step down.

Q: The only available day I could find at my banquet hall was a Sunday. I booked my wedding for that day, not realizing that Catholic churches only honour weddings on Saturdays. What should I do?

A: I can completely understand your situation. You're right... Catholic churches only perform wedding services on Saturdays. However, there is a way for you to have a Catholic wedding service on a Sunday... I have a suggestion: There is a wedding officiant in our portfolio who is an ordained minister and Ontario licensed marriage officiant. He is qualified to perform civil and religious marriage services and will come to the location of your choice to do so. Therefore, you can still have a Catholic service! Better yet, you can have a Catholic service without being confined to a church. You're free to have your ceremony outdoors, at home... or at the location of your choice. If this is of interest to you, feel free to contact me at any time. That said, keep in mind that the Catholic Church might not "recognize" your wedding; however, in the eyes of the government, and for all intents and purposes, you will be legally married.

Q: My fiance became engaged recently... Our mothers are Christian and my father is Hindu and his is Muslim. We are not very religious, but aren't sure what kind of ceremony to have. Our parents have said it's up to us... any suggestions?

A: It's so nice to hear that both your parents and your fiancée's parents are so flexible! My suggestion to you would be to find someone to provide personalized services for you. There's a gentleman in my portfolio who will work with you to personalize your wedding vows, and will perform them in any religion for you. This way, you can choose to have a completely non-denominational wedding, or, you can combine all the various religions together to create a unique and personalized ceremony. If this is something you're interested in doing, please don't hesitate to contact me at any time. I'd be happy to connect you with the gentleman/services that I have in mind, as well as aid you in the planning of other aspects of your wedding.

Q: I am concerned about the safety of my guests at my wedding reception. I don't want anyone to leave while intoxicated, and am concerned about all the valuables that will be left unattended, but I want to be able to enjoy my wedding day. Any suggestions?

A: It is not uncommon for wedding receptions to be accompanied by security services these days! In fact, there have been numerous cases of theft (especially theft of money boxes) at large weddings. In many cases, more than one wedding reception will be held in a banquet hall, and it becomes increasingly difficult to monitor the actions of the guests. If security and safety are a concern to you, Police Officers and security guards are available to ensure your event remains secure and under control. Often times, such people will work undercover to prevent their uniforms from distracting from the elegance and comfort level of your wedding. Your local police department, security services centre, or wedding consultant will be able to direct you to such services.

Q: My wedding will be held outdoors, and a friend of mine suggested I get a tent for the backyard. Is this necessary?

A: Renting a tent is great because it ensures that in case of severe heat, or unwanted rain, your guests will be comfortable for the duration of your wedding. Nobody can predict the weather, so the best you can do is take precautions to ensure that it does not have any negative effects on your guests! The one thing you have to keep in mind is the fact that if you rent a tent, there will also be various other rentals that you will need to consider. For example, you will require lighting, dance floors, tables, chairs, etc. Tent weddings tend to be a bit more expensive than indoor weddings, yet they are incredibly unique, and add a special touch to your event! They're even useful if the day turns out to be beautiful and sunny - they'll provide much needed shade from the smoltering sun!

Q: What are the duties of the maid of honour?

A: The maid of honour is the lead hand for the bride, both on the day of the wedding, and for most events leading up to the wedding. Prior to the wedding, the maid of honour typically assists the bride with various organizational details, and with the co-ordination of meetings, rehearsals, and fittings for the rest of the bridal party. Generally speaking, the maid of honour plays a very important role on the day of the wedding as well. She is to assist the bride with anything that may come up. For example, the maid of honour will assist the bride with her dress prior to the ceremony, and en route to the photographic session, etc. The job of the maid of honour is more than just a job of services to be completed, it is based on friendship and love. To be a friend, and a support system for the bride both prior to, and during the wedding, is by far the most important goal for the maid of honour to achieve.

Q: How do I know if the vendors I have hired for my event are reputable?

A: Selecting an experienced, honest, and reliable vendor is certainly not the easiest task. There are numerous vendors in the phone book and on the internet, yet the quality of their products/services may not be known to you. In order to avoid costly mistakes, ensure that you research the companies you plan on hiring, prior to hiring them. Try to find out as much as possible….how long they've been in business, who the owner is, how many employees they have, how many functions they do a year, etc. Use this information to establish a clearer view of what the company and its employees are all about - and use your gut feeling - it's usually right!

Q: I am interested in creating my own menu for my wedding, but have found that most banquet halls have a set menu or caterer and do not offer this flexibility. What should I do?

A: This is true. Most banquet facilities have their own in-house caterer which they use for special events. This is their way of ensuring that they make a profit from the meal being served. However, there are some facilities which allow outside caterers to come in and use their space. The key is to find one! They are few and far between, so if this is of great importance to you, I would suggest beginning the hunt immediately. Also, if you'd like, you can hold the reception in a public place, or in your backyard, and have the caterers design a custom menu with you, and meet you on-site.

Q: My bridesmaids are wearing purple dresses but I can't find nice purple shoes in a good style to go with them. Any suggestions?

A: Most often, the exact style of shoe that you're looking for is not available in the size and colour of your choice. The thing you have to remember is the fact that there are many places in your local area that do a wonderful job of dying shoes! Check out this possibility! You can usually get an exact colour swap and the colour of your shoes and your dresses will match perfectly!! You'd be surprised at how cost - effective this can be!

Q: We have a meeting with a DJ that our sister-in-law used and liked. What important questions do you suggest we ask?

A: With regards to the DJ, I would suggest the following questions:
-How much of the music can we select, and how much do you select?
-Do you accept requests on the day of the wedding?
-What time do you expect to set up/strike down?
-What is the rate of pay?
-Will it be yourself at the wedding, someone else, or a group of people?
-Are you prepared to sign a vendor contract outlining our agreement?
-What type of deposit do you require?
-What payment plan methods are available?

I hope this helps!

Q: For the place cards... when people reply with the RSVP's, and they are bringing a guest, how do you know what their guest's name is to put on the place card?

A: Generally speaking, the person that you initially invited is responsible for contacting you and letting you know who they will be bringing as their "guest". That way, you can get the correct spelling of their first and last name, etc. However, on the event that this information is not passed along, simply writing "guest of so-and-so" on the place card will do the job! As long as you seat them next to one another, it should be relatively easy to figure out. If you'd like, you can leave a blank space on the RSVP, and request that the people you invite fill in the name of the guest when RSVP'ing! That way, you'll have all the info at your fingertips prior to the wedding!

Q: We are having a "destination" wedding -getting married in the Caribbean - should we send invitations to families and friends - or only to the ones we know will be joining us in the Caribbean - our friends know our plans and most have expressed whether or not they are thinking about joining us - for those not joining us should we send announcements cards upon our return? - we don't want this to look like a wedding gift "grab".

A: With regards to your question, it is a very valid one. I can appreciate your sensitivity to the method of approach, so as not to appear to be asking for gifts! I believe that although you have an indication of who will and will not be attending, it would do no harm to send an invitation to everyone. I think it would be a nice gesture, and perhaps you could include a line indicating that if they have "changed their minds" about attending, they are still most welcome to do so! I also think announcement cards would be a beautiful gesture. It's not necessary, but it would be nice. I have one other suggestion for you....if it is within your budget, you can have a "welcome reception". Since many of your friends and family may not be able to attend the actual wedding and ceremony on the day of your wedding, you can rent out a banquet hall, hire a D.J. for the evening, and have a bit of a party to celebrate with your friends. There's no need to have a meal, or open bar, but the idea of celebrating with them may be a good one, if it is within your budget. You can even hold this event at your home, church, etc...whatever best suits you and is in your budget!

Q: Is it possible to do things too early when it comes to your wedding - specifically I have found my dress I started looking in June because a store in my home town was closing and I wanted to have some sort of dress comparison. I didn't find any dresses at the store closing (I did buy a head piece) but I have found what I know is "the" dress and as a bonus it matches my head piece perfectly too!

A: I would say that it is never too early to begin to plan your wedding! It sounds like you're thrilled with this dress, and if you think that it is "the one", and it gives you that excited feeling every time you look at it, then by all means...go shopping! If you love it, buy it, if you like it, don't! It's never to early to knock something off your wedding list. As you get closer to the wedding date you'll begin to feel the stress and burden of all the things you still need to do. Besides, getting this dress out of the way now may even relieve a bit of a financial burden as the big day draws nearer! However, try to keep these things in mind:

Style- will the dress be out of fashion by the time your wedding rolls around?
Will you be gaining or losing weight? Can the dress be altered should this occur?

Q: My parents are separated and I am not very close to my father. How do I tell him that I don't want to walk down the aisle with him and not cause World War III in the family? Also, how do I seat them at the church?

A: Your situation certainly sounds frustrating, but I hope you find comfort in the fact that this seems to be a very common problem with most families these days! You're not alone! First off, with regards to walking down the aisle with your father, the best thing for you to do would be to tell him that you're trying to stray from a very traditional wedding, and you feel that on this special day, you would prefer to walk down the aisle with someone else. Really emphasize the fact that it would mean so much for you to be able to just get through this stressful time with his support, and tell him that you trust that he is willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy, and this would be the thing! Be really polite and sensitive about it, and if you're going to have another man walk you down the aisle, I would suggest that you break this news to him very gently and explain your reasons carefully. If you're honest and sensitive and you make him feel special and important in spite of all of this other stuff, then maybe it won't be so bad to him. Also, if you can think of any other way you can incorporate your father into your wedding day, it would be great of you to do so. Maybe you can ask him to make the first speech, or you can ask his advice on the menu, etc Do something else to involve him so that he realizes that he is still somehow an important figure in your wedding day. You may not have the best relationship with him , but I guarantee you that your wedding day is a moment that he's been thinking about for a very long time. Don't shut him out completely, just try to find another way to make him feel useful and wanted.

With regards to the seating arrangements at the church, I would have him sit in the front row, along with your mother, but on separate ends of the row. You don't want to seat one parent behind the other, because when you put one of them behind the other, it's kind of like a slap in the face. Ensure they both get a "front seat" but keep them on separate ends .... the further away they are the better.

Q: I'm interested in pursuing a same sex marriage. My parents know that I am a homosexual, and that I've been involved with another man, but I don't know how they will react to this idea of marriage. Please help.

A: I can understand that this must be a very difficult situation for you. I assure you that this situation is not unique to you….so many people are going through this! My response to you would be that chances are, your parents are prepared for this news. If they're aware of the fact that you've been with your partner, and they've accepted your sexual orientation, then they've probably prepared themselves for this news. Same sex marriages have been in the news for some time now, they're no longer being suppressed in the media. This fact, combined with the fact that your parents are aware of your sexual orientation, leads me to believe that they'll be more accepting of your "news". Timing is everything. Make sure you pick a convenient time to talk to your parents about your marital plans. Chances are, they will give you a more positive response than the one you're expecting!

Q: In the beginning of January I placed my order for my wedding invitations (my wedding is in June) When I finally received them the postal code was incorrect on the return envelopes, so I agreed to pay for half of the printing cost because it was partly my fault to have assumed that they had the correct postal code. Now I was just notified by one of my guests that on the reply card there is no line for them to write their names. All of the envelopes are sealed, addressed and waiting to be mailed out. This is a big concern for me because how will I know who's replying and coming to the wedding. What should I do?

A: There's enough stress involved in planning a wedding...these extra stresses are enough to push someone over the edge! To answer your question, I must say that you were more than generous to offer to pay half the printing costs! The missing line for their names is indeed a misfortune. I would certainly keep one or two samples, send them back to the printer and try to dispute this matter! I personally believe that you should be fully compensated for this mishap, and I believe that with a bit of persistence, you will succeed. In the meantime, you'll need a quick fix to solve this situation. Here's what I suggest:

1) Create your own RSVP sheet on some fancy/textured paper. It can be something simple and small designed on your personal computer. Place this paper and the sealed envelope into a slightly larger envelope, and mail it out. It is actually not uncommon for smaller invites to be "double-enveloped". It's done all the time, and nobody else will be able to tell that it's due to an error.

2) You can unseal the envelopes and just purchase new envelopes and insert the paper into them.
Either way, I think you'll be fine, but I encourage you to try to get your money back. Hopefully, you signed a proof and the RSVP line was included there. That would better your case. Whatever the case may be, you have every right to dispute this with the vendor, and I would be happy to assist you in any way I can!

Q: I am not sure what vendors I should tip and how much? Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

A: You have asked a terrific question! It's never easy to determine who to tip, and how much, and there's really no right or wrong answer to this question. As a general guideline, I usually tell my clients that everyone providing a service should be tipped, providing the service/product is exactly what you expected it to be, if not more. The minimum tip suggested would be $20, and the maximum depends on how pleased you were, as well as the total amount that you're paying that vendor. Clearly, if you're tipping a florist and the total cost of your floral package is $100, then $20 is a great tip. However, if you're paying your banquet facility $4000 and they provide an amazing service, they should probably get a larger tip. I hope this helps! Always remember that if you're not pleased with the product/service delivered to you, you should never feel obligated to tip. Also, when tipping, ensure that all tips are paid in cash. It's no fun when you have to pay tax on a gratuity you receive!

Q: My father passed away about 9 years ago and I plan to have a 'brother sister' dance as opposed to a 'father daughter' dance. Should I choose a song that relates to my brother or should we dance to a song in memory of our father? I have one in mind that is beautiful and yet sad. If I use it I'm worried it might disrupt the happy atmosphere that I want at my wedding.

A: It's very sweet that you're thinking of incorporating a song in memory of your father! I think this is a great idea! Don't worry about it disrupting the ceremony! I think it will do just the opposite! I think it will just tug at everyone's heart-strings and bring more joy to the event! Besides, as soon as the DJ begins to play the upbeat music, the "sadness" will be forgotten, and your party will continue to develop and be an enjoyable time for everyone. I think this is a wonderful gesture on your part, and I'm sure it will be warmth and happiness to you, and to your guests.

Q: Can you tell me what the correct seating is for the head table?

A: Generally speaking, the bride and groom sit in the middle of the head table. The matron of honour sits to the right of the bride; the best man sits to the left of the groom. Then, the rest of the bridesmaids sit next to the matron of honour in no particular order, and the ushers sit to the left of the best man in no particular order. If you have flower girls or ring bearers, they should sit at the very ends of the tables. Ring bearer at the end of the "boys" side, flowergirl(s) at the end of the "girls" side.

Q: When I was looking for my dress I found it in a little shop. The lady who owns and operates the store mentioned that she would be closing her store to bring it home. I thought that would be okay because she assured me that everything would be the same, only from home. At the time of ordering she gave me a 4 to 6 month time frame on when the dress would be in. Seeing as I ordered the dress in June I thought around November my dress would be in. I called her around mid November to inquire. When I did she was fairly rude and said, "It won't be in this year". I gave it a couple more months and called back in January. This time the level of rudeness went way up and she said: "It will be in one month before your wedding" I did the math and figured out that would equal 10 months. I tried calling to see if she could put a rush on my dress, however she would not answer my calls, or my mother's calls. Finally I got through to her about 2 weeks later. This time she was very rude. She said that she can rush my dress but it will cost extra. By the end of the conversation she called me annoying and she hung up on me! Now I am afraid the dress won't be in or she would do something to the dress. I have already paid half the cost of the dress, and I only have 9 weeks until my wedding what should I do?

A: My goodness...this is a real problem! I am very glad that you sent this email through to me! My advice to you is to follow your gut instinct. Clearly, this lady is not reputable. I absolutely would not trust her with something as important as your wedding dress. It's just too much of a risk. The fact that she's been abrupt is the main thing that would indicate a real problem. Working from home is fine, the delay would even be okay, but the attitude problem and bad customer service are huge warning signs. I realize that you left a large sum of money in trust, but truthfully, your best bet is to walk away from this situation! Obviously, you should do your best to try to retrieve your deposit, but please don't trust this woman with your wedding dress. Regardless of what happens to the deposit, I strongly urge you to go elsewhere for the gown. I guarantee you that you'll feel a huge weight taken off your shoulders once you go out there and find another gown.
With regards to the actual deposit that was left, here are a few pointers:

-Was there a contract indicating the lady's commitment to having the gown ready for you at a particular time?
-Did you pay cash? If so, your chances of recovering the money are slim to none.
-Do you have a receipt for the deposit? Does it indicate that it is non-refundable? If not, you could always try small claims court.

Q: What are your suggestions to improve the texture and overall appearance of my skin before my wedding day?

A: Good question...it's so important to look good on your wedding day! Here are a few tips for you to consider:

1. Drink lots and lots of water. That's the best, most natural way to get a fairly immediate glow of the skin. Maintain at least 8 glasses of water a day beginning immediately, and then stop two days before your wedding. The reason being that this will obviously create a situation where you'll need to frequent the washroom, and you don't want to be running to the bathroom every few minutes on your wedding day!
2. Eat more fruit. Fruits are another natural way to get healthy skin, from the inside out.
3. For more cosmetic approaches, try applying pure vitamin E oil to your face one hour prior to going to bed. The oil will help to heal any old imperfections that you may already have on your skin, as well as providing a natural glow.
4. There's a great product called NeoStrata facial cream. It is sold at most Shoppers Drug Mart facilities at the cost of approximately $30.00. Find the silver container that is a 6% or 4% solution, and apply to your face each morning.

Q: I am getting married in August and I need advice on invitations. Most of my family a lives of couple thousand miles away so not all of them are financially able to come. However, I was wondering if I should still send invitations to my family who most likely won't come.

A: I can certainly appreciate your situation! Many people have family that live far from the wedding site, and it isn't always possible to include everyone! However, I know that each and every person would likely love to come and share your special day. It is my personal feeling that although chances are they won't be able to attend, an invitation is still a nice gesture. I would advise you to go ahead and send them. I guarantee that the invitations will be sentimental and will let your family know that although there is distance between you, you're still thinking of them and wishing that they could share in your special day. I'm sure the invitations will be very much appreciated. Besides, you never know, someone may just make a vacation out of it and attend your wedding!

Q: How would you suggest that our guests receive their food at a buffet style wedding reception for 350 guests? I'd like to arrange this in an organized fashion.

A: I would suggest that you ask the DJ or MC to assist you with this! The DJ or MC can announce the table number of the table that can go up and serve themselves. They can ask 2 or 3 tables to go up at a time; that way everyone gets up there in an organized fashion! You can also think of creative games that they can play to decide which table goes first!

Q: When we got engaged a year ago, my fiancé asked if he could have a girl friend of his on his side of the wedding party. I thought that this would be cool as I had seen it done at other weddings. Since then she has been uncooperative and hard to get in touch with. She's negative and I'm getting angry that she gets to go to his stag and to all of the "guy" events when no other women do. It's one month to the wedding and I can't ask her out of the wedding party now or we would lose her as a friend. I feel as if she is going to ruin my wedding, a time when my fiancé and I should be close. What do I do?

A: Sounds like you're in a sticky situation! I have to say that I agree with you....this just doesn't seem appropriate. I would do one of two things:

1. If this lady is going to be a part of the ceremony, this situation shouldn't give her access to the stag party and the other things intended only for the "gentlemen". This seems very inappropriate, and I can see why this would disturb you. Although there's no problem with her participating in the wedding, the pre-wedding "male" festivities should not include her, since they don't include any other women.

2. Another option is to merge your stag and stagette parties into a Jack and Jill party. This is where both the men and the women are in the same room at the same time, and it becomes one mutual party....bride, groom, ushers, bridesmaids, the whole deal happens at once. This way, girls and guys can attend, and the tension will be lessened. It becomes one big party rather than the other way around. This way, the discussion of "men only" and "women only" will be completely eliminated!

 

Q: I'm getting married in July of this year and I'm having a large wedding. I'm going for the classy fun look and wanted to stay away from "what everyone else does". I wanted to know if you had any suggestions on how to give away the centrepieces. I've been to too many weddings where they play the napkin around the table game, or the keys, or money. I think everyone is quite sick of that. At the same time I do want it to be done in a fun way. Can you help?

A: I know what you mean...finding a unique idea can be tough! What you can do (and this is fun!) is tape a card to the bottom of the same number of chairs as there are centrepieces. (Ex: if you have 20 tables, tape a card to 20 chairs). At some time during the evening, ask people to look under their chairs to see if they have a card taped to the bottom. Those who do get to take the centrepieces home with them. It creates a sense of curiosity, and people seem genuinely surprised that you thought ahead of time to tape cards to the bottom of the chairs beforehand. If you have time, tape a card to each chair, with something funny written on it, and make only 20 of them the winning cards!


Q: What is the etiquette on flowers? Who gets corsages, etc.?

A: This is a good question! While you may not decide to adhere with traditional wedding etiquette, it seems as though there are always a few people that are expecting to receive flowers, and it would be nice for them to have them! Generally speaking, this is the breakdown for flowers:

Bouquets:
· Bride
· Maid of honour
· All bridesmaids
· Flower girls (sometimes they receive baskets of petals instead, your choice)

Boutonnieres:
· Groom
· Best man
· All groomsmen/ushers
· Ring bearer(s)
· Father of the bride
· Father of the groom
· Grandfather of the bride
· Grandfather of the groom

Corsages:
· Mother of the bride
· Mother of the groom
· Grandmother of the bride
· Grandmother of the groom

Q: Is there a formula to making a heartfelt, successful bride speech? Where should one begin, what are good topics to cover? I can think of many things I'd like to say, but I am afraid the speech may end up being too long or boring.

A: With regards to your speech...yes, I do have a few pointers for you!

1. Don't be afraid to show your emotions...if you cry, you cry! Don't try to fight back the tears...they make for a more sincere speech anyway!
2. If there is someone assisting you financially in the planning of the wedding, make sure to send out a sincere thank you to them publicly. It's the least you could do in such a scenario.
3. Speak honestly. Don't make an intentional attempt at being funny or sentimental. Whatever comes naturally to you will be just as effective. If you end up saying something that your guests interpret as being funny, then that's great, but there's nothing worse than trying to crack a joke that doesn't appeal to anyone!
4. Make sure you address your family, friends, and maid of honour.
5. Don't forget the groom! When you speak about your love for the groom, try to speak directly to him, rather than speaking about him. Turn to face him, tell him how you feel using the first person. Pretend you're the only ones in the room and speak your heartfelt emotions.

Q: Are there priests that would perform a Catholic wedding ceremony outdoors?

A: Yes, there are quite a few priests that would officiate such a wedding. There are many wedding officiants that would do a great job of this and would be willing to perform such a ceremony. The only thing you need to consider is that most Catholic churches won't recognize a marriage/wedding ceremony that takes place outside of the Catholic Church, or one which strays from the restrictions/regulations that the Catholic church dictates. If a Catholic ceremony is performed outside, rather than in the church, it is a legal marriage that is recognized by the province, government, etc, however it may not be recognized by the Catholic church itself. Depending on how religious you are, this may or may not matter to you, but it's good to know!

Q: I am getting married in December and I want to lose 40 to 50 lbs. How can I do it?

A: I have to begin by saying that it is very dangerous for you to try to lose 50 pounds in 4 months. I would suggest that you aim for something closer to the 28-38 pound range. I can imagine that you must really want to shed the extra pounds, but you have to remember that your health is so much more important than your appearance. You don't want to be so malnourished and weak on your wedding day that you end up fainting, etc.
To lose the weight, my suggestions are simple, yet effective:

-eat anything you want; in moderation. If you want ice cream...go ahead, but only have one scoop. Don't deprive yourself of anything, just be careful about how much of it you actually end up consuming.
-don't weigh yourself every day. Stick to once a week or once every few days. Always weigh yourself first thing in the morning, as soon as you wake up.
-exercise, exercise, exercise. Careful not to overexert yourself, though. You should put in a minimum of 30 minutes of cardiovascular activity EACH DAY. Don't skip days, you'll only be cheating yourself. Cardio can include fast-paced walking, jogging, cycling, etc. An aerobics class would be great.
-compliment your cardio workout with weight exercises. Don't be intimidated by this; simple 5 lb weights can make a world of difference. Simple exercises to get your muscles working would be great.
-during the last 3 weeks prior to your wedding, try some pilates classes. The pilates workouts will help lengthen your muscles and tone your body.
-as terrible as it is, stress is on your side. We all lose weight when stressed and I can't imagine many things which are more stressful than wedding planning.
-SLEEP! You're attempting to re-shape your body, so you need to provide a sufficient amount of time for your body to rest and recuperate. Try to get in a minimum of 7-8 hours a night. It's also important not to oversleep; more than 9 hours of sleep might actually make you tired and groggy and might defeat the purpose.

Q: I consider myself a very spiritual person, and have always been solid on having my ceremony in a church under God. My other half is not quite as spiritual and I don't want to force him to join anything he is not in full belief of. He does agree on a wedding ceremony, however he does not want to feel pressured to become an active member of any religious community. Is there any good compromise for this particular situation?

A: I know you're very religious, but you're right...you can't impose your religious beliefs on anyone - not even your fiancé. I think I have the perfect happy medium for you. I would suggest that you hire a wedding officiant to provide a customized ceremony for you. This will give you a chance to choose the tone of the ceremony as well as exactly what will be said. You can select specific readings that are important to you, as well as writing your own vows, etc. You can completely customize the ceremony to include aspects of a wedding that are important to both of you, rather than fighting over whose way is the better way. The other great thing about hiring a wedding officiant is that you can actually get married in the place of your choice - indoors, outdoors, it doesn't matter!

Q: I would like to have advice from my family and have my close relatives involved in the planning of my wedding, but how do I cope with different ideas from different people and whose idea should I take?

A: I think it's great that you're open to the ideas of your family. However, I do agree with you... it can become quite difficult to determine which idea to be utilized, and to do so without hurting anyone's feelings can surely prove to be a challenge! Firstly, I think you should hear everyone out. If you're open to receiving ideas, you should make yourself open to all ideas so as not to offend anyone. Without a doubt, you'll hear some great ideas, and some not so great ones. I think the best way to determine which idea to take is to really follow your gut feeling. After hearing everyone's ideas, choose the one that best suits the theme of your wedding and best fits into the "ideal" picture that you've created for your wedding day. The other thing you can do, is to allocate a job to each person. For example, you can ask your mom to help you with the florist, your sibling to assist with the selection of the photographer, etc. That way everyone is involved in some way, but ultimately the decision is yours. Let them all know that you value their opinions, but that you're the one that has to make the final decisions.

Q: Is there any etiquette or tradition to the order in which speeches are given at the reception?

A: Speeches can happen at any time during the evening, and in any order at all. The following people "generally" give speeches at the wedding:
-maid of honour
-best man
-siblings (optional)
-mother of the bride
-father of the bride
-bride and groom

It's not mandatory for the bride and groom to say something about one another, but I have noticed that it's a real tear-jerker and is a very nice touch to each wedding, so I'd recommend that you at least consider doing it



Q: A friend of mine is getting married and she wanted to know what the duties of the MC were. Would you know where I can find a step by step sheet on MCs?

A: As far as MC sheets go, there aren't any that I know of, so I created a skeletal outline for you:

The duties of an MC include the following:

-announcing important details (i.e. cars with lights on in parking lots etc.)
-notifying guests of the location of washrooms, smoking laws at the hall, etc.
-introducing each of the speeches and the speaker of each speech before they occur.
-introducing the start time of dinner, opening of dessert table, etc.
-toasting the couple before they make their introductory speech.
-keeping the general flow of the evening by making periodic speeches and bringing things together via introductions.
-assisting in calling up tables for dinner if it is a buffet.



Q: I am the Father of the Bride. Please tell me where I can find some literature of the standard toasts that I will be required to propose during the reception. Are there standard toasts or do I just make up my own based on my knowledge of my daughter and her husband?

A: I greatly respect your concern in ensuring that your speech is absolutely perfect for your daughter's wedding. As far as toasts go, there's quite a bit of flexibility where this is concerned. You're welcome to create the toast of your choice and there are really no standard rules or tips to follow. However, as a nice gesture, it would be great to toast to their new lives together, wish them everlasting love and success, and provide them with a few tips. If you could give some advice to them as they head into their new marriage, it would be a wonderful special touch. Generally speaking, there will be an MC to cue you as to when you're to give your speech/toast. You might want to coordinate the timing before-hand so the day of the wedding is less stressful.